hurts

the pain unbearable



Thr hasnt had a new entry for almost a weeks. i dont knw wat 2 do in life! i wan 2 b happy for once! Nw i'm tired both mentally and emotionally!!

i read my diary again. my hart breaks but thr wasnt any tears shed! coz all e tears have gone to waste! have i been lying 2 myself?? my hart aches nw!

i knw i hav been naive! i failed my common test for e 1st tyme! i broke harts while my hart is still wounded ;Hurt from evry devastating events in life! my brains are full of tots. i wan a break from my troublesome life, jst a break! to relax my brains,calm my nerves and heal my wounded hart! Like a trip far a way from here,whr i call home! mayb slipping into coma wld b,okay? switching off my brains for a wk, 2wks , a mth etc. im tired of broken hearts, tired of crying and tired of living tis manner..

Wen can it b all better? wen will evrything run smoothly? i kept praying to 'HIM' to show me a way,show me a sign, send me some happiness! y isit so hard? i've been living tis way for e past 17 yrs n im so tired oreadi! i hate telling myself tat i love tis family.. telling myself tat evrything wld change for e better. all i seek in life are happiness and a dash of LOVE?! y isit so hard that im suffering at such tender age? isit true wat sumone told me? tat tis are all parts n parcels of life.. "you're suffering coz 'HE' cares and 'HE' knws..

And again, my tots r running wild.. my brains has gone 'haywire' not coz of love; jst sadness n loneliness has been making me feel blue lately.. i love staring out e window in e middle of e nite.. watching e stars,wishing upon them and praying to 'HIM'.. hw long mst tis go on? n again i pray to 'HIM' to forgive me for my countless sinful sins..

i knw im jus whinning abt hw hard life is nw! coz i dun knw w cure for e pain i get often! i dun wanna start smoking or drinking coz im afraid of getting addicted to stuffs tat are bad for my health! i treasure my life but e sufferings are jst unbearable!

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