ELLI is HER name

In a sane state of mind , one can read another's mind & emotions . When things comes to such a situation , it's all up to oneself to thinking wisely and make the right decisions . It takes two to clap and so does in a relationship . After doing what i've done in the recent months , it will take another few months to atone to . Saying that im sorry and i won't do it again simply doesn't work anymore for i tend to repeat my mistakes time and over again making everyone around me feel frustrated and annoyed . Never would i imagined that matter would arising to such a circumstances but it's far to late to say sorry but only to make up to it by being reasonable or being a better person . As day passes by , no one can tell what will happen tomorrow and one should never look back at the past in wanting back all that one had then . I'll leave the best in God's hand may HE piece back everyone life back together.

Reminisce on what had happened to me - be it the good , bad or even the worse . Sadly , i've lost myself to what it may have seem to be : LOVE . Im sorry to those whom was hurt along the way ; be it accidentally or intentionally . For the new year ahead of us , let bygones be bygones . I'll close this chapter and i'll work for a better storyline that i can be proud of . But what lies ahead , can never be told ; for that i'll leave it in God's hands . I've acquired that if we hold on to the kite too loosely , it might just slip out of our hands and if we hold on to the kite too tightly , the thread would break . Now its just a win-win situation whereby im just gonna watch from the sidelines and only step in - as and when help is needed.

Time:12.57am Mood: Devastated Life don't always goes the way one wants , does it ? Is it not possible for gossip-mongers to mind their own business ? Yes , my life is a wreck - a mother at 18 but that doesn't always mean that it's over for me . I can still archive all my dreams and goals even though my responsibility is much heavier to those of my age . And boy , it's going to be pretty tough - raising a child and working plus upgrading myself . Even if my heart broke or i'll fall sick - im gonna prove myself to everyone that "No one human is perfect and that mistakes are always made" Im gonna stand tall on my decisions and choices - Now it's time for my say and listen hard . Im tired of being push around and pleasing everyone else beside myself .

Im nursing a sick Nur Aaliyah Isabelle. Get well soon dear (:

Here are the latest pictures of my dearest , Nur Aaliyah Isabelle . *Gorgeous , right ?* She's my miracle and my love (:

After only 1month 2weeks, i concede the fact that it's tough being a mother even with the extra helping hands - whom i thanked for being there guiding me. All those sleepless nights attending to lil' isabelle have left me dark circles under my eyes. But regardless of any events that's to occur, i'll persevere and stay firm. lil' Isabelle have grown so much as the saying goes : babies grows like the snake changes skin. Im happy and proud to have her and at the same time, to have my beloved family + Him. In the first few weeks having her around, i kept questioning myself - " did i really gave birth to this lil' girl? " Now, im really sure that this is not a dream or a nightmare. New year is on it way. So much have happened - the good , the bad , the worse and of course , the miracle. The resolutions has already been made all due to the arrival of Nur Aaliyah Isabelle. As the saying goes : "Yestarday is a history , Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is the

So many things has happened in the past few weeks . i don't know where to start . im back in Jurong West (: just not at my house but my sister's . As for today till the 30 Nov , i'll be in Toa Payoh . [ NOTE to all girlfriends : Pls come over to my sister's house if you want to meet me and my daughter ] my sister's house happened to be just next to Jurong West Sec Sch - mine pathetic school . block 658C , just msg my guy's hp . its has been 1mth 1wk and im still GOOD - just alil' tired bcoz havent had enough sleep due to feeding my lil' girl during wee hours (:

Here's my daughter and "Him" ((: Nur Aaliyah Isabelle and Saiful Bahri . beside the above mentioned people , im also madly in love with my family down at jurong . lOl . So far it has been more than a week after my lil' girl returned from KKH , i have to say its kinda hard looking after newborn . lOl . But im coping with it tho' plus i have to take it one step at a time , right ? i will be coming down to jurong to visit my family with both the above-mentioned (:

Ya Allah SWT , please give me the strength to move forward in life . Please guide me for im caught in between families . I only seek for the best of both world - nothing else matters anymore . Ya Allah SWT , i beg you for you are great .

She's finally back , at long last ! but it has been 3 days la . im still getting used to her milk time but i can say that " thanks to all the training i had back at home (: lOl " Having a baby is really hard but im not complaining for i love my lil' girl (: well who wouldn't love her ? she's adorable kan ? lOl. Finally i've gain contact with Lina - really miss her . been so long since i last heard from her , left her a message in friendster and BAM ! she reply. lOl.

Well these are afew more pictures of us (: My lil'girl is all good and still in the hospital. The doctors would review her condition this monday [ tomorrow ] on whether she's fit enough to come home with us. Its been 10days since i've gave birth yet the house is empty without the cries of lil' baby. Everyday i would travel down to KKH , just to be with my lil' girl even if it was to be only for 30mins - 1hr 30mins . And before i leave home, i'll express my breast milk so that my lil'girl gets the important Vits etc . I hope she would be back by this coming week . Its has been very tiring but what can i do?

thats my lil'girl and my dearest + your truly ((: A short entry for the day to please those eager readers out there ! For now this would be the only pic of my lil'girl . Her name is yet to be decided but she is to be known as Isabelle . Im still awaiting for her discharge .

im really bored. can't think of anything to do - no one's online at this point of time [ when everyone's back at school ] there's nothing good on TV. and im staying home for the day , not visiting my lil' girl back at the hospital.. To explain the chaotic-ness of my delivery which i could still remember : the pain started at 3am in the morning [ how stupid i was only to realised that i was mistaken 6hours 56minutes later ] which i was stupid enough to stay at home only when the pain got too unbearable , i rang both my elder sisters since they know a thing or two which was already 7.30am . I woke my dearest up - telling him i can't bear the pain , i want go to the hospital now! It took him and his family one-half hours to get ready. We left his house at 9am which by then my water broke - we got a cab only 30minutes later with the help of a chinese couple. Upon reaching KKH - i 'ordered' the nurse that im about to give birth and that i was already bleedin

Today's entry maybe a shocked to some out there - who haven't had any clue or what-so-ever! I just gave birth to a beautiful lil' girl on 16.10.2009 at 0956hours. Im here at home and she's stuck back in the hospital. And im missing her so much! Will upload my lil' girl picture - the moment she's out ((:

Its 27 Sep' 2009 - the end of SG's F1 nightrace. Today's mark the 8th day of raya. Selamat Hari Raya (: The 1st day was filled with tears and heart-felt apologies. Tho' didn't manage to celebrate with beloved family - everything went prefectly fine (: 2nd day was different - finally met everyone of dearest family. then during the week , went to my aunty place at Taman Jurong to visit them and my niece + nephew (: went to dearest god-sis place at Woodlands . Lastly to his nigga friend, maleek's place at Bukit Panjang. lOl. Collection this year is pretty bad. Old already right? haix, so not helping. lOl. Toodles, everyone is missed.

im tired of faking it. im tired of crying. this wasn't the life i dreamt of - but im still gonna live it and hopefully i'll never say "DIE" for what holds in the future , with the help of Allah SWT - im confident that i'll pulled through no matter what.

♥Does miracle still happen these days? Isit possible to get the best of both worlds? Im caught in between and it seems so close yet so far~ This raya would be the first for me. && im sure to cry when the "Takbir" is sound.

hello (: yet another bored day as always. Ther's nothing great on the TV and the net. Raya is just days away, wonder how will it be this year? But one thing is for sure , Pink is the colour of the year. Lol~ Just recently on 090909 , Wednesday - Dearest went for the Day Surgery at SGH. Im glad its over now (: At about 2pm , the nurse allowed us to come in to see him. Dearest was so pale and his hands were cold. i've never had anyone in my family who went into surgery before ; which it pains me seeing him so fragile and weak. Now, he's up and about. Just can't laugh and walk too much. And i pretty much have to be his "nurse" for a week or so - making him eat his medicine on time etc. Oh the Suffering~ Lol (: He would be able to open the pact by this saturday or sunday. Toodles. Everyone is missed.

Its Tuesday (: 19 more days till Hari Raya Adilfitri. *isk~ puasa belum habis, dah fikir pasal Raya* its has been days since i last updated (: my guy's lil brother had an accident in school - fractured his right wrist. well he's in Spore Sport School (Soccer) - injuries are bound to happen, right? My dearest has to go for an operation this coming 9th Sept'09 - NS medical. and he has to do the blood test thingy tomorrow. im currently to a friend singing at youtube. Oh gosh~ she's good (: didn't realise it back during secondary days. well - i,myself missed singing alot but thats all in the past. i haven't been practising or anything like that so i've gone bad - really bad (: LOL. toodles. Everyone is missed (:

hello (: Its another bored day. i borrowed four books from the library to entertain me - hopefully for quite some time. Started on a book - little earthquakes and im half-way till the end of the story. Lol. again - IM BORED! no one is online at this point of time. AARRGH! Selamat berpuasa umat islam (: Toodles. everyone is missed.

its the third day of the fasting month. and ironically i've haven't been fasting due to some chronic reasons, Lol . Nah , just some pathetic reason set for me. well, its such a pity that i wouldn't get the urge to break fast with the family. i would like to know some tips on writing/composing a song - it doesn't necessary be a rap though. just a way of letting a person know what's going through my head - since the person only understand songs/raps better than words that comes from my mouth. days has been pretty much a pain in the ass - am suffering so much heart-wrecking moments in just a day. wow ~ what a life to talk about! if only i could have something that will change my life forever - this won't be something in my list that i'll think about. tell me who would, right? toodles for now (: everyone is missed

Helloo. Today's tuesday and it's pretty bored as per normal . i was on youtube when i stumbled upon this video. Check it out (: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouxq3DVaWnw To my surprise , this guy here is a Singaporean whom at first i thought would be an American . i didn't expect to come upon such a talent or shall i say 'Rapper' like him plus i love his swagger (: Enjoy. Toodles! Everyone is missed.

Rise and Shine (: Just did my prayers . Am not able to fall asleep so i thought of my dead blog. LOL. Chat with my best friends yestarday evening (: it was fun to finally catch up with some of them since i've been missing in action . Flashback of days in secondary school was just on replay through out espescially days in Drama Inc. with MONA && AISHA since they were the only two online . LOL Nothing much today i suppose . But there is something i've been wanting to do - send my guy's song to that syerzan which i couldn't get hold off . what a turn-off , im wondering what are the comments that syerzan will say . LOL (: Toodles. everyone is missed.

Rise and Shine (: its 8.37am in the morning . i've been awake for about 2hours or so . Currently situation - im DEAD bored . Just change my blogskin - added some new stuffs . Life has never been harder. im still adapting to the whole status of been *sshh.. secret* lol~ Prayers do help calm oneself - how could i not think about it then . I haven't been catching up with my dear friends - wonder how they're doing in life . One more thing , i feel that i've lost some weight but at the same time i feel fat - why is it so ? lol . nothing much to say. everyone is missed .

I found this hilarious joke in the readers' digest. and i thought - "why not share it with whomever that will my blog" Here's the joke - Enjoy (: "A hamburger and fries," a man orders. "Me too," says the ostrich sitting beside him. "That'll be $9.40," the waitress says. The man reaches into his shirt pocket and hands her the exact change. They return the next day. Both order a steak and again the man pays with exact change. "How do you do that?" the waitress asks. "A genie granted me two wishes," explains the man. "My first was that i'd always have the right amount of money to pay for anything." "Brilliant! But what's with the ostrich?" "My second wish was for an exotic chick with long legs who agrees with everything i say." Share it with your loved ones , if it made you smile or giggle to yourself (:

to: a special someone - so close yet so far Just like you - i need my own stuffs to release stress etc . I swear i didn't realise how much i've forgotten about us , about you - only after checking things out at friendster , blog etc . Oh gosh~ all those memories and promises . Im sorry for being such a burden - im not helping in the slightest way possible to ease your stress instead i add on to your stress with my compliants and nags . Im just too caught up with myself . I guess too much of each other really isn't good for neither of us . What really happen to us or should i say - ME ? It's coming close to a year now since the day we first kissed and got together . As much as you miss the old days , i do too wish for it every other day . remember this ? - ** P.S. : REMEMBER Bby, We're SINGLEbutUNAVAILABLEtau. el.AMORis.thisYUNG'N's:Bby Ger: Please Stay Clear. Mine & Only. ** I love you muchies and im really sorry . im sure you still do - just not as much

Today's the second last day of June. The school term has just began - for those in Primary and Secondary. While those in ITE are still able to enjoy for another week or so. On the 25th June, Gone was the King Of Pop - Micheal Jackson. May you Rest in Peace. What i'll remember of him - i would say his dance moves and some of his songs (: There were rumors saying that he's a muslim - well that im not sure. We went to catch 'Transformers 2 : Revenge of the Fallen' on Saturday , 27th June. There were so much to digest - from the 'robots' to action pack. Gosh ~ i was glued to my seat even after the movie. Feel like watching the movie again - just for the thrill , action and laughter (: Assalamuailaikum.

[ Cute right (; if only i could smile that way ] Another short entry for the day. im down with the Flu , Sore Throat but im pretty much okay la (: things looks like it might get better but i cant tell, right? Listening to songs thats like 1-2years old [ it can't be right by 2play ft. raghav and much more ] i am so needing to buy myself a gadget that can satisfied my music needs. An Ipod shuffle or maybe the latest sony erisson phone , W705 [ wants only the expensive ones, lol (; ] Really need to get out and meet my fellow sweethearts, can't stay been in this positions. Miss you chichas (;

Life has been a B*tch. As an eighteen years old , things are on the wrong side of life. Contacts of fellow sweethearts ( mia chicas ) are gone with the wind - too much of changing numbers. Clumsy lil' elly has always been up to the unknown. Reminiscing the time spent with fellow sweethearts back during secondary days could easily bring tears to my eyes. Raking the past doesn't solve anything instead add-on to the heartache. Time to let go of the past - can't continue wishing i was still that same innocent lil' girl. Things has changed for better or worse , still i got to live it to the fullest. Time to grow up and get over myself , im no longer a four years old child who still need to be spoon-fed. True , there's loads more things that im not aware of but doesn't mean i couldn't cope with it. Yes , im young and maybe slow ( Biol-ish ) but im not disable or incapable of doing the simplest of things.

It has been awhile since i last updated (: well, i dont have a computer at home neither do i have cash just to surf the net. everything in life is in such chaotic mode now. i cant explain in details on what has happened to my life or basically ME. for those who knows, im fine. Not to worry about anything. to: lilboyblue - aite (: i'll remember that. thanks for your kind concern.

im jobless with no money! Oh gosh ~ WTH is gonna happen next? miss my gunduHEAD. he got back his job working as a cook at a western stall. awaiting to taste his cooking. LOL (: love u pantat hitam.

love. Finding a job is a pain in the ass. Boyfriend is really getting on my nerves. Family has been around but being a pain too. Things are really getting out of hand. im at a lost to everything. Lost my job earlier this month - regret awhole lot. now being so freaking pathetic having to go to CDC for help. im lost. im in a huge mess. i don't how to help myself. i don't know what else to do. im freaking lost. OH GOD~ help me.

Life's really unpredictable. While love's quite a disappointment. Causing such misery & chaos. The month of February is pretty much very Suck-ish. Apart from all those memorable events, such as my birthday - Valentine's Day etc.  My birthday - spent the day at dearest's house. got a huge new teddy as my present (: which Dearest named " Mr-Paws". My birthday cake is made of Peppermint.  Valentine's - Dearest got me a Bouquet of roses made out of - Red, Pink & Blue . And a box of chocolates. A day at Dearest's house - we made Chicken Baked Rice ( Our way ). Well , it was loads of fun despite the quarrels in between the cooking (: Plus everyone loves it.  Another day at Dearest's house - we made Pizza with a base of a Mickey Mouse's head (: it was a delicious treat. This month , i've been a bad girl. Messing around with my Family. Now i'm filled with guilt and lost. Just can't figure out what to do, so that odd will meet. I

Tomorrow's the day - i would be legal in the eyes of law. Lol. will be out with dearest around SG.  He's the MasterMind who planned the celebration of the 8TEEN Bdae (: i want do something for him. i want him back in his culture - HipHop. Yes, only to some & me - he raps. i miss seeing him all dressed-up , hyped-up with his swagger and stuffs - like the first day. to those who knows him, should know what i mean.

life is getting hard.  for those who have heard the news, i guess that best believe i'll miss all of u. Do contact me. i want to do a final get-together before anything. i miss u girlfriends.

to:Dearest friends. Present job: CHEERS@ZOO. Been awhile. Life is getting pretty busy.  missing everyone who has made an impact in my life. love ya all. Pls do drop me a msg on friendster for your contact number.

Yesterday was officially my last day of work in AllenBryans . Gosh~ im missing work already! The night before 06 January 2009 , i was at bf place making my farewell treats for the whole office . Cried every moment i thought of "Goodbye allenBryans" . Made a total of 21 lollypops boutique - Hand-made from 3am-9am causing me to be super late for work .  There was a farewell party for me and miera plus a welcome party for the new interns and Huimin . Thanks Sandar, Rinn and nishanti for the gifts and preparing the event . Didn't cried at the event tho' but the moment i read the card signed by everyone , my heart breaks and tears run down my cheeks . Later that night i was having a fever . might be that im still too reluctant to leave plus i didn't sleep the whole night .