ELLI is HER name

Memories dated 020408 ITS OVER 050308 - 090508 Its over between me n mr hawt fireman! it ended like tat all thanks to ME! i broke his heart tyme n again.. i wanna stop hurting u.. but doing tis i broke ur heart even mre.. pls jst leave me,azrul! i knw i cant bear it but i hav 2 b an end 2 my doings! im sorry! it's hurting me as well as it's hurting u,hunny.. thanks for evry single things u hav done.. thanks for pampering,loving me.. thanks for SAY.. thanks for our 1st pic.. thanks for e poems.. thanks for taking me watch "Step up2:street" and the "Superhero movie".. thanks for the skirt from FOX and e skinnies.. thanks for being my shoulders wen i cried coz of NOTTY BOY.. thanks for ur ears wen i was pissed off w my mom.. thanks for e mushy entries u hav put in ur blog! thanks for spending e nite w me till 6am.. thanks for all these memories tat i can alweas rmbr of! meet SAY my guardian angel! e poem he wrote for me! im a bitch at ...

070508 - broken hearted! im here.. at my desk.. tinking what went wrong in our r'ship! aft so long i finally am luving u! im hurt by e way i treated u same goes to ytd nite drama between u n me..i've hurt u n im clear of it! n i broken my own hart by doing so.. i guess i will alweas b tat HEARTbreaker! Otw work jst nw.. while msging u n listening 2 e song u dedicated for me.. With you-chris Brown.. i cried in e train w unknwn eyes watching as each tear rolls on my cheeks.. reading e printed copy of ur latest entry makes my heart breaks further making tears flows like a waterfall.. im at a lost.. my mentality,physical self stability is gone.. feel like going mad n end up in e mental hospital to calm my nerves,brains etc im gone.. elly will nvr b e same again!NO mre smiling-happy elly,gdy-gdy elly..she's gone thanks to evrything she is facing in life!

our love frm 050308 im sitting on my desk.. tinking abt e latest entry u wrote?! it was swit,super swit! come to tink of it,we hav knwn each other for 2 mths and counting! e tot of being YOURs haunts my mind,my soul and my heart! but i guess, im still not ready for 'love'.. imagine hw things wld b wen our harts has becum ONE? tat wld b so special! w e amt of 'guys-frens' i have.. thr's no doubt tat u wld b hurt all thanks to ME! in this 2mths r'ship,we hav gone thru so much; the littlest arguements we had almost lead 'US' to an END! e tot of losing u nvr fails to break my heart! coz u're special in a way tat u understands me and has alweas been thr w/o fail! Despite e fact tat my hart holds another guy in it, u still love me! i LOVE u,mr hawt fireman! hapy 2mths,hunny (: thnks 4 evry moment i had w u! thnks 4 being thr!our r'ship may seems odd/weird. but wat remains a fact tat our LOVE is pure!

OPPSY.. LOVE what's tis feelings coming over me? oh,im missing u! how i wish i cld listen 2 your voice even aft talking to you on the phone moments ago! how i wish i hav e courage of putting ur pic as my wallpaper but instead my wallpaper are made out of words 'i love u' how i wish thr's sumthing on my desk 2 remind me of u beside ur swit msgs tat nvr fail to brighten my day,cheer me up wen im down,those msgs tat brought my strength bck wen i lose hope. i miss u! evrynite b4 going 2 bed. hw i wish u were by my side,guarding me frm nitemares. hw i wish u cld kiss me goodnite. i miss evry kisses,hugs and mainly U! i love u,im missing u!

the pain unbearable Thr hasnt had a new entry for almost a weeks. i dont knw wat 2 do in life! i wan 2 b happy for once! Nw i'm tired both mentally and emotionally!! i read my diary again. my hart breaks but thr wasnt any tears shed! coz all e tears have gone to waste! have i been lying 2 myself?? my hart aches nw! i knw i hav been naive! i failed my common test for e 1st tyme! i broke harts while my hart is still wounded ;Hurt from evry devastating events in life! my brains are full of tots. i wan a break from my troublesome life, jst a break! to relax my brains,calm my nerves and heal my wounded hart! Like a trip far a way from here,whr i call home! mayb slipping into coma wld b,okay? switching off my brains for a wk, 2wks , a mth etc. im tired of broken hearts, tired of crying and tired of living tis manner.. Wen can it b all better? wen will evrything run smoothly? i kept praying to 'HIM' to show me a way,show me a sign, send me some happiness! y isit so hard?...

apologies from me i've hurt you hart tyme and again! i guess tis tyme round i won't b able 2 mend ur broken hart.. you were nvr his substitute! and i do love you! i knw i didnt treasure u e way i shld.. mayb wat angel say was rite.. i didnt realise hw much u worth mayb until i hav really lost ur hart.. im sorry pls accept my apology! my hart has been broken over love for too many countless tyme.. n i knw i've hurt a couples of guys' hart.. i didnt mean to.. i cld i wen im in love w them!? to all..if i've hurt u in one way or another pls 4give me! i knw i hav been harsh, mean, selfish, unreasonable etc pls accept my deepest apologies.. coz i'll nvr knw wen will b my last!?

LIFE on 240408 i've been miting YOU alot recently.. n im loving e fact tat i cld b w u den.. but it seems that each time we mit, u nvr fail to break my hart.. yet again, u alweas mend it at any cost.. by making me smile,hugging me etc.. mayb it's jus my tinking,my worries etc! im sorry for any misunderstanding.. YOU are so close to me yet so far.. i dun knw wat 2 do anymre! im stress w life.. probs of evry kinds is wat i get! from my family to love matters.. im tired.. tired of wearing a mask to cover my true feelings.. tired of lying 2 myself.. tired of loving him in denial! tired of living! mayb im suffering frm depression.. coz y? i do hav tot of killing myself.. tot of suicide.. mayb 2 put an end to my misery! but then again,i wld suffer in hell n my love ones wld b hurt oso.. i knw thr r loads of pple out thr who cares for me.. THANKS A MILLION! but e love tat i seek is none of those love i get for my love ones.. ytd i wrote comments to at least 6 pple tat i lo...

Weekends dated 120408 and 130408 elliyana is my name (: i've found TWO great guys,Both w a beautiful hart and of coz im loving both! i met my NOTTY boy on the sat,120408 while i met mr HOT fireman on the sun,130408! wen i met up w my notty boy only den did i notice hw much im missing him! i do want 2 b his but it's complicated! wen i met up w mr HOT fireman,he made me smile,laugh and happy (: i know im being selfish to kip both great guys to myself NOW;im in dilemma! notty boy wants me to find another as he tinks im too 'baik' and mr HOT fireman wants me!if i were to go to NOTTY boy n continue waiting for him like a fool, mr HOT fireman wld b hurt! if i go to mr HOT fireman, my heart will still yearn for my notty boy! im sorry for causing such misunderstanding! i,myself is hurt of my stupidity,my clumsiness,my doings and my weakness! if i have knwn,i wld hav nvr did wat i did. i've learn my lesson.. lesson learnt is that women are BITCHES and men are BASTARD if they...

HER LIFE STORY! Life has always been a pain in the arse! She know for a fact that this are all parts and parcels of life! But recently,Life has become to difficult for herself to handle! She prays to GOD hoping that HE will make everything better! all she needs in life is a ray of happiness. she loves her friends,her life and not forgetting her family! but it's unfair that she's e "pillar of the family"! Her mother told her that when she was undergoing sec 3. At a tender age of 15,she was given a huge responsibility! she knows for a fact that in her family, she was e only HOPE and her mother can only rely on as both her sisters went haywire at the age of 18/19 and her mother won't want herself to turn that way too. But she's different than both her elder sisters! she knows for a fact that she has a N-lvl cert which is so pathetic! she wants a Degree as she don't want her future kids to suffer the way she does! She hate the responsibility. she wants to be a...

down memory lane (: i jus read my "old blog".. it seems that in thr i stated hw much i love him n hw much i miss him 4 tat paticular day,wk (: n i still miss n love him as b4.. mayb a little less coz i hav HOT fireman w me these days.. to nottyBOY!awk,kte mmg sygkn awk.. dan kte faham situasi awk skrg.. biar apa pun terjadi, kte nk awk dkt pd diri kte ni.. mcm apa yg awk ckp pd kte smlm(220408).. biar tuhan saja yg tahu perbualan kita.. ingat tau awk! syg awk banget.. to HOT fireman!U,u tau kn yg i ni pun syg kat u? sorry klau i sakitkn ati u bile u baca ni.. klau i knl u dulu dari dia,mungkin i ni dah gile2 kn u sgt! i harap u bleh kasih i masa utk fikir.. mmg u tk suka i ckp2 psl si dia.. klau kita ader jodoh tk ke maner tau! i've been w --- ---- ----- ----- these past wk! and im luving e fact tat -- ----- -------- --- ------ ---- -------.. hope u get better from ur flu,etc .. so glad that i --- ----- ---- - ---.. thanks for being thr.. pls b ---- --- - --- ure nee...

YTD NITE-(140408) 0115hrs His last msg has left a cut in my HEART! i cldnt go to slp no matter hw tired i was! it dawn to me hw much i lOVE him n nid him in my life. Tinking for a fact tat i might not b the ONE for him,hurts even mre! i LOVE you,IDIOT! i wrote in my diary (BOOK) abt wat i felt n i knw tat sumone else whu read tis wld b hurt,MR hot Fireman. im sorry! i was only able to slp wif his gift,teddyBEAR tat i call it my Guardian Angel, "SAY" (: sounds wierd but tis guardian actually made me slp peacefully. w no fear or wat-so-ever! i THANKED both guys for loving me n giving me e Opportunity to LOVE dem n 4 letting me be w dem! if anything were to happened tat 'us' has to go, i'll b willing to let go w a broken HEART! i wont stand in e way. i'll let nature takes its way,i'll let fate decide e future! i lOVE YOU,mr HOT fireman n my NOTTY boy! PS: pls dun blame me if i GO havoc! blame it on urself! im in a BIG mess! im in dilemma! im HURT for tin...

TODAY - Me (: 180408 NOR ELLIYANA means Malay - "Cahaya Kelembutan" English - " The Light of Gentleness" im not in e bst mood 2dy.. i didnt appetite to eat during lunch.. NO mre entries on the guys tat i love for nw.. im tired.. physically,mentally,emotionally.. i dun knw wat 2 do these days.. mayb i've changed, like my mom said.. b'coz of guys, im gone from gd 2 bad!? which is not true.. me personally.. from e angle tat i view my life in.. i'll change coz of love for better or worse! ya, im a softie! n DUH,im a gal.. i guess nuthing ever gonna change in my life.. things will still b as tough as alweas.. n i do hope for better.. i guess nuthing in life is ever gonna b perfect thr alweas obstacles in e way.. life to me can nvr b perfect w my kinda of family.. in my family thr will nvr b happiness only sorrows n sadness.. even if my family arent okay in e hse but e bond in my family is alweas thr.. i LOVE my family but too bad.. tis is my ...

LOVE - 180408(1806hrs) There is never a time or place for TRUE LOVE.. It happens accidentally,in a heart beat, In a single flashing,throbbing moment I never could imagine, life without you From the moment you walked into my world Never knew how long a loving flame could burn But losing you has forced me to learn That we can't change the way we feel inside And every try at love never turns out right We both know it's better if we just let it go So let's have One last kiss One last touch One last tender moment between us One last dance To our first song While pretending there's nothing wrong Let's stay here for awhile and Cherish every moment we're in denial We both know Its better if we just let it go Everytime I try to take a stand at all I see your face again and I fall In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose The smell of your perfume I suppose But we can't change the way we feel inside And every try at love never turns out right We b...

WHY? - 140408 y does it seems tat it's MY FAULT? whr in life did i go wrong? wat was my mistake? am i jinx? im only seeking for -listening ears -shoulders to cry on y isit so hard?! i guess i'll kip wearing a mask evryday, being hapy wen e truth is my bleeding inside! FYI, i wont entertain any msgs 2dy,2nite!

THREE days at WORK w superDUPER (: TUESday ~ WEDNESday ~ THURSday this look like a fashion show done by ME (: NOTICE sumthing? i wore e same belt 4 three days.. hmm.. seems nice, i suppose IM NOT IN THE BEST MOOD! DUN OFFEND ME! DUN DISTURD ME! i was wrong abt u!

IM IN LOVE, BABE IM in love w e guys tat loves me (: "gatal" nye pompuan! nah.. thanks for loving me , HOTty firemen n NOTty BOy! muahaha i knw i've said it like a million zillion tymes.. and i dun get tired of it! ^_^ school is starting nxt wk.. n i dun knw if thr's hmwrk.. i hav yet 2 msg azhar about skool.. i wonder if he knw my temp-number? im going bck to JWSS for speech Day! yay! i love my skool?! OPPSY,correction.. i HATE my skool but i love e pple in it.. hahas.. on e 17 APR 08 - speech day rehearsal n 19 APR 08 jwss's annual speech and prize giving day (: saw my bill early tis morning! i was like WTH! F*** hw e hell am i gonna pay 4 it! haix.. blame it on my stupidity la =P hahas.. wateva is all i can say.. i'll find a way i suppose.. GTG work awaits... PS:gonna upload a pic of me

FOR YOU~ Kau rinduku, jiwaku indah memanggil dirimu Mataku terbangun untuk menanti menantimu... Jangan pernah kau ragukan cinta yang sesungguhnya Itu bisa menghancurkan semua bukan begitu... Aku sungguh masih sayang padamu Jangan sampai kau meninggalkan aku Begitu sangat berharga dirimu bagiku... Dan kupastikan saja dihatimu Kan kukorbankan semuanya untukmu Sungguh kuberharap kaupun begitu padaku... Coba kau rasakan cinta yang begitu kan mengesankan... Yakin pasti dapatkan kemesraan yang penuh cinta... for HIMs who i LOVE w my whole heart.. and the rest who i called my b'LOVEd (: im sorry for all i've done to hurt u deep inside.. pls accept my deepest apologies... LOVEs ~ elly

MY LOVE LIFE! i dun knw wat i wanna say abt it.. As evrything else in life is in a mess.. wen im in nid of love,no guys came to my rescue! but nw,wen im bz wif work,life and skool ; no tyme 4 love, love itself cums knocking on my doors. meet my ex..MUHD FARHAN,17,lives at bukit panjang=) the 1st ever guy tt i wont wanna 4get!e 1st whose name was engraved in my heart..i knw tt things between me and him didnt last at all..but e love for him was so TRUE! n hell i still love him while memories are lingering in my hart..wat do u expect? i can say tt it took me awhile to really 4get him n he's e first guy i was head over heels wif..i cant n wont 4get e fond memories.. the late nite calls,mushyMUSHY lines.. im missing HIM la =P PS:tis is a pic of him w EX-GALFWD meet e 1st guy i met tis yr.. MUHD SUFRI ,20,lives at Ang Mio Kio=P the second i've engraved e name in my poor heart!im loving him alot..i cant say anything 2 it..well aft all tis yr,i found a guy who loves me 4 who i am...

AT WORK! hmm..seems like tis is my 2nd entry(: im thanking my fwd,fatiin for making me tis loving blog..hahas(: thanking sumone who is willing to lend me his laptop for my nonsenses(: at work on the 040408.. i love going to work jus tt,thr's an incident tts makes me tink nonsensical tots..the enviroment was odd..as a kid,i knw tt thr r matters going on at work..it is regarding the commission my boss brought up last mth.WHR HAS ALL E TOGETHERNESS A&B used to have?? i can nvr work in quiet atmosphere.it's weird wen i can hear nuthing but the typing n keyboards n fone ringing!thr were few moments tt i felt like crying.. i seriously prefer the noisy A&B pple mainly TEAM C :) pls dun make things hard.. But i tink tat the stuffs in the office might be done n over with..but it will still b awkward!i miss e FUN,CHOATIC Allen And Bryans pple(: LOVEs ELLY(:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Hey Elli here!!! Yup, me blOggiing! WuhOo~ Tag me on tag bOx as ure cOmments are needed aites! (: Lovely, Elli